Friday, January 25, 2013

Jenn Grant - green grows the lilac (eye of the tiger)

Monday, January 7, 2013

Finding a quiet mind while living with others

I walk into the house with determine anger and immediately try to take deep breaths. But I can't. I'm truly powerless of a house that has no sense of what is what I want. I don't voice it. I don't deliver it. I don't talk about it. But it builds up. Build up so much that is drive me to talking to myself. What I voice is only to my ears. My things used, not wash and left as if. I'm angry. I try to hear myself, that it is ok. But it is not! it won't be. I just can't get over it.

"Hi. How is it going." Not really a question, but I tried to make it sound like I really care. I don't. My heart races and I open my mouth. Trouble. Not for me. But for the other person hearing what is coming out of my vocals. No cursing. No anger. Just asking why are things they are.

Poor soul has no idea how to deal with that. I want to bite and bite. I need vindication. I need apologies and "Ok! I will fix it now!" Not the word "bitching".

You tell me to calm down. I'am. You are the one not ready for my barrage of requests. You see nothing us with different logic. I see a wrong that is done to me. This has nothing to do with you. It has to do with me. My fear of where I'm going next. Where Am I going?

At this moment, I will run, be quiet, let my emotions be. Love, pray, Silence.

Then breathe, listen, and talk.